we must feign indifference

we must try and try again.

we must.

we must.

we lead separate lives and it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter.

tomorrow is monday. tomorrow everything, everything, everything, everything, will be back to clockwork.

that’s how things work sometimes.

i’ve never been this happy :)

i’ve never been this happy and excited to do God’s work and i hope this passion burns within me forever, and ever.

i hope i never forget, i hope it never ceases, that even if it stops for awhile, i’ll always remember, this joy, this blessing.

thank God, this is such a miracle.

my dreams are all so scary i could wake up every morning with tears and a heart attack maybee

SO SCARY. :zz

Manila Mission Trip Day 3

The mission trip has been amazing. It has been a humbling experience and I have learnt a lot. Yesterday we went house visiting at the Tay Tay Fishport which was hit by a typhoon in 2009. It was very much a slum area with street kids. It was very heartening to see how the people there are so friendly and happy even when they may be poor. They live alongside the city and the inequality is quite apparent.

We visited 2 homes and one of them was the deaconess of the church. She told us about the problems she was facing. I could really relate with it and all. I prayed again for another sign another indication, in the same day, if possible. Again in the evening, again He guided. It’s obvious now and I don’t think I ever want to waver. Even if you have little faith in yourself or in others, at least then, have complete faith in the Lord. Do you not know that He will take care of everything? Do you not know that He is in ultimate control? Even this, will pass.

When I return to Singapore, there is so much work to be done. So much.

maybe if i died at the trip, it wouldnt be that bad afterall.

 

13th May 2012

Today is Mothers’ Day.

Today I was late for church.

Today I shared with my church friends about why I decided to go for the mission trip.

Today I shared with them about books I’ve been reading. about being a christian.

He uses our weaknesses. He uses us.

sometimes i wonder why I still. why I still.

Maybe if I were less of a capricorn, maybe if I just didn’t bother as much, maybe if I’d stop dating to marry, maybe if I took things a lot less serious, maybe things would be so much easier.

why does life have to be so cruel..sometimes.

whatever will be, will be..

why do you have to always hurt me.
does it thrill you this much?

how can you be in a relationship, under the care of someone, yet need the additional care of so many other people.

 

what to do?

sometimes when we were young we had very many ideals

but somehow. reality just doesn’t match up.

do we then seek our ideals, or our new found love.

when i was young, i’d listen to the radio, wondering..

“a particularly poignant image; of two elderly women held in the familiar embrace of one another; of a young couple kissing with such tenderness you imagine for that one minute they forgot the crowds and the cameras around them because looking at their captured kiss you lose sight of everything else too. “

“The worth of our relationships and our love and commitment to them should never be determined by others. No one has the privilege or responsibility to validate my relationship with my wife. No one other than she, and me, and God that is. We know what it is we have together. We know how deep our love and how genuine our commitment is to one another and to the life we share. We know that the other was brought into our life as a gift from God and that our union is a blessing to God. That others in our lives recognize and affirm our marriage is a wonderful thing but our marriage doesn’t depend on them to give it worth. In the same way, the worth of your life doesn’t hinge on anyone’s or everyone’s approval. You have already been fully and completely validated by God. Your great worth has been established in the love of God and in God’s eyes you are fully seen, fully known, and fully loved and if you allow God’s thoughts of you to shape your thoughts of you, then whether a thousand applaud or a thousand throw tomatoes nothing will cause you to sway and lose your footing.”

“It’s not a contradiction. Neither are you.” so confused.

Don’t beg for love. Don’t beg to meet. Don’t beg. Don’t. Beg.